


my wait is you.

by angryjane



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Introversion, M/M, Music, POV First Person, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Post-Canon, Pre-Book 2: Wayward Son, uhh idk what else i'll update the tags later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:26:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18355757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjane/pseuds/angryjane
Summary: just some introversion. post-canon. baz's pov





	my wait is you.

Nothing matters, and so everything does.

 

_I try and try to make you cry_  
And make you love me  
Oh I would say yes  
Oh I would say yes

I've loved Simon Snow since the day I met him. Probably even before that, if I'm being honest. when I was younger, I loved that nursery rhyme, about the Chosen One. I believed he'd save me, and he'd fix everything. That he'd make my father pay attention to me, that he'd bring my mother back from the dead, or Turn me back. He didn't do any of those things in the end, of course, but it was a lovely thought. 

When I saw him in courtyard, during that stupid Crucible ceremony, I felt that tug in my gut, like you're supposed to. But I felt a different tug, too-- a pull towards that curly hair and those damned freckles, and that stupid shy smile of his. He was the chosen one, after all, and so of course I chose him.

But it's never been that easy, has it? I acted like I hated him, because hate used to be the only thing I was supposed to show. I was supposed to hate the Mage, I was supposed to hate the vampires, i was supposed to be hateful and spiteful. I was a Pitch, for god's sake, and a Grimm. I was born to rule, is what Fiona says, and hate came with the job.

Simon doesn't hate. Not really. At least, he never hated  _me_ , even when he should of. 

We fought, of course, and I pretended to enjoy his salty tears, but I didn't, couldn't. Wouldn't.

He never hated the Old Families, won't even hate the Mage now. It's positively infuriating, and endearing all at once. 

He's just like that. 

 _The need to be the best before the need to rest_  
Oh I would say yes  
Oh I would say yes

Pitches are snakes, we just are. Grimms are greasy too, but in a reserved kind of way. My mother was a snake, but more like a boa, regal and righteous. Fiona's not like that. She's angrier. if it weren't for my father, I think she would have lost her head by now.

My stepmother isn't a snake. Or greasy. She's like a mouse. Or a rat, I can't decide which.

But snakes as they may be, Pitches have always been on top. Always would be, if they ( _we_ ) had our way. 

Naturally, I was first in our year. Bunce gave me a good run for my money, but I always managed to come out on top. She got too distracted saving Snow's arse or waiting on Snow to blow up and save hers. 

It was easier for me that way-- harder to be distracted by the love of your goddamn life if said love is busy lighting things on fire. Or lighting  _himself_  on fire, and taking other things with him. 

But, you see, I'm flammable.

 _See, my wait is you_  
My wait is you  
My wait is you  
My wait is you  
My wait is  
(To be in a dark side, be in a deep mind)

I'd follow him to hell and back, if he just asked me. No, scratch that, I'd do it without being asked, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I think I'd been waiting, all my life, for something--someone-- to devote myself to. I'd never been invested in the Families' cause, or in the Mage's, or even in Snow's. Just in him. 

_Him._

I waited for him, without realizing I was waiting. Never kissed a boy, never looked at another boy, never even thought of one. Only Snow. Only Simon.

My Chosen One.

_To make the pain defuse the flame can be trying  
But I would say yes, oh I would say yes_

We're a house of fire, too- fire and snakes. (Our actual crest has falcons on it, and flames and moons, but don't let if fool you; we're trickers, not saviors. that's Simon's job.) 

Snow says I'm pyro, and he's probably right. (For once.) 

It's always just-- drawn me in. Because I'm  _flammable_. But I'm so good with flames. 

Simon's like that-- hot, burning flames. Even without his magic, now, he burns me up. He's got the whole look down, too-- bright skin, bright eyes, bright hair, bright heart, blah blah blah. (And, let's be honest-- he's hot in more ways than one.)

And, what did I say-- I'm flammable. 

  
_So as you fade away alive, I lay dying_  
Oh I would say yes  
Oh I would say!

Snow still doesn't think I'm dead. 

One day, as we were strewn across his bed, blankets discarded on the floor in the summer heat, he pressed a kiss to my temple. Then one to my pulse point, right on my neck. On my bite. 

Then my wrist, and finally my heart.

"What are you dong?" I'd asked. Because then we were still just getting into this intimacy thing. I craved it like I'd never craved anything before It was like a drug, like blood or fire or whiskey. Or meth. Heroin. Cocaine. Morphine. All rolled in one and with wings and a tail and pretty blue eyes. And that goddamn fucking  _smile_.

He'd been smiling at me, then, and he'd said, "Because it shows me you're alive."

"Only for you," I'd replied, like and absolute  _sap._  Only Snow gets to see me that way. Only he makes me that way. 

Snow still doesn't think I'm dead.

I don't really think I am either. Not anymore.

 _See, my wait is you_  
My wait is you  
My wait is you  
My wait  
(To be in a dark side, to be in a deep mind)

Simon Snow  _is_  the Chosen One.  _My_  chosen One.

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyyyy
> 
> so. i read Carry On in eighth grade, when i was in a really bad place. it's what kept me afloat, honestly. (i'm pretty sure third time's the charm when it comes to suicide, right? no one survives THREE times. i don't think.) and things suck right now, so naturally i read it again. it helps me. idk why. it just does. i love it and the characters so much. seriously. and so, here i am!!!!
> 
> i'll probably write more snowbaz in the future. esp since Wayward Son comes out in a few months!!! i'm so excited!!!!
> 
> wanna talk about snowbaz with em? or spider-man or she-ra or memes or gay or literally ANYTHING?? you can do that [here](https://angryjane.tumblr.com/) at my tumblr!!!
> 
> (oh, and the song is [Symphonia IX by grimes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsbiyvpel54)
> 
> see ya soon!!!!


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